Failure stays with me. Even when it is success. With me, it still feels like failure, somehow never good enough. The sense of failing, not meeting expectations, not measuring up, not being "that guy", whoever the fuck "that guy" is. That has stayed by my side for way too long
Yeah, I've failed. I didn't win races. I missed that goal. I didn't end poverty. I didn't change the world. But I tried. I ran the race. I took that shot. And yes, as absurd as it sounds, I tried to end global poverty. I failed.
I was married for a long time. Ultimately, I failed at that as well.
I can go on and on and on. Failure. It is a part of my story. It just might be the theme of my story. But fuck you. What have you ever tried?
Failure. And its twin brother Disappointment. And their close friend Regret. These have stayed with me for too long. I hold them and bring them with me. They are heavy, cumbersome, they slow me down, at times stopping me in my tracks. I am tired of their company. They are no longer welcome in my tribe.
The obstacles to whatever might be good are huge. The hurdles to real life immense. I will fail again. But it doesn't get to come along. Not anymore. Not in this life, or the next.